Me For Pope

I'm thinking about running for pope.

I heard this morning like you did that Pope Benedict was stepping down to go fishing in Bavaria and that they had to pick a replacement some time next month. Apparently you don't have to be a cardinal, a bishop, or even a priest to get named pope, though admittedly the odds are stacked against you if you're not at least one of those things. The last pope who wasn't at least a cardinal was elected way back in 1379, when Pat O'Neill was just a kid. It also seems to be kind of important to be able to speak passable Italian, which I can't, but I've seen The Godfather like 14 times so I could probably get by.

The perks of the job are obvious. Popemobile, awesome hats, lots of travel, Italian food, infallibility. I'm not thrilled about having to relocate to Rome–that's a filthy town–but maybe I could telecommute. Also I don't have a lot of ideas about church policy just yet but I'm sure once I got in there and rolled up the old sleeves I'd find some things that needed work. It can't be that much different than running a festival.

Anyway, I'm thinking about throwing my mitre into the ring. I'll keep you posted.