Fiesta Grande

The annual Fiesta Kansas City kicks off tomorrow at 5:30 right here at Crown Center, home of some other paler and pastier ethnic festival at the other end of the summer. I admit to being an ethnic festival junkie, but I love this particular event especially. Maybe it has something to do with my own Hispanic heritage. Maybe it's the food. Whatever it is, I think you should join me at the Fiesta this weekend, skeptical Irish person. And here's why:

1. Tortilla rolling contest and tortilla throwing contest. I hope this means rolling them up with delicious frijoles and carne asada and throwing them down my burrito hole. But even if I'm wrong, you're still rolling and then throwing food somehow. How can you lose? I'll answer that one. You can't.

2. Margarita Cobh. (Thought the alt spelling might make you paddies feel more at home.) Local Mexican restaurants make Margaritas. You sample them. Hilarity and possibly hallucinations ensue. Contest times are from 5:30 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. Friday - Sunday. Hangover times TBA.

3. When it comes to ethnic festivals, the Mexicans are second only to the Irish in the kickassedness of their music. Also the Spanish word for dance, "baile" is also the Irish word for home. That's got to mean something.

4. It's a little known fact that the phrase "Cinco de Mayo" is a bastardization of "Sinking in Mayo" which was why all the ships had to relocate from Killala Harbour to Margarita Cobh.

5. A few years ago I bought a green t-shirt at the Fiesta that said "Mexican Princess" on it for $4. Four dollars! My son Tommy wore it in the St. Patrick's Day parade this year.

6. Guaranteed 87% Swine Flu free.

7. That big beautiful Celtic cross you see every year at Irish Fest? It was created by my friend Pedro Martín, in exchange for beer. We're not so very different.

8. It's free! When was the last time you got something for free, other than the swine flu?

9. Headline act Los DesperadoZ were formerly known as Los Test Tube Babies which may possibly be the best band name I've ever heard. Certainly the best one I've heard today.

10. You already know how to get to Crown Center, vato. Vayamos.