Who Do I Have To Know To Get A Drink Around Here?

Why, your old Uncle Bloggy, that's who. I have your complete guide to the new system for thirst quenching at Irish Fest.

For those few who may not have heard it, we are now cash free at the beverage tents. That means that if you get up to the front of the line, order a Boulevard Stout and try to hand us a $5 bill, we won't take it. You won't get your beer. The guy behind you will wonder how you missed the giant signs and all the people who kept telling you that no cash would be accepted for beverage purchases. You'll be upset. We'll be upset. The guy behind you may be the most upset of all, and he's 6'7" with a Flogging Molly tattoo on the back of his shaved head. So let's just avoid that scenario, shall we? Let's do this instead:

When you enter the gates at Irish Fest, stop and look up. You'll see bright, beer colored banners flying high above the grounds. Underneath those flapping golden flags are the token tents. Go to the one nearest you. Buy all the tokens you'll need for the weekend, and you'll never have to go back. Tokens may be purchased for cash in any amount, and with a credit card in increments of 12, 24 and 48.

Got your tokens? Then head for the nearest beverage tent. Your choices there are Miller Lite, Coors Light, Boulevard Wheat, Pale Ale, Dry Stout and Zon, all on draft. We'll have Miller Chill in cans. We'll have red and white wine. We'll have Pepsi, regular and diet. Dr. Pepper, regular and diet. Sierra Mist, Mountain Dew and G2 sports drink. We'll have Aquafina water. Draft beers will come in two sizes, regular (2 tokens) and large (3 tokens). Miller Chill cans are 2 tokens. Water and pop and G2 in 20 oz. recyclable bottles are 1 token. Wine is 2 tokens.

Place your order. You're limited to 2 alcoholic beverages per purchase, but you've only got two hands anyway. Hand over the appropriate number of the little plastic doohickeys. And you're done. No change, no muss no fuss. Lines move fast, you move fast, more of your fest weekend is spent doing fun stuff and not standing in line. And isn't that what we all want?

Unused tokens can't be sold back to us or refunded, but they're good next year so if you leave with leftovers, stick 'em in the sock drawer and bring 'em back in 2009. And of course, if you're planning on drinking anything with alcohol in it, be 21 and prepared to prove it at the ID check station at each gate. The Kansas City Irish Fest has a zero tolerance policy on underage drinking, and if we decide that you've had enough, whether you're 21 or 121, we reserve the right to refuse service. But that won't happen because you're good and responsible people.

That's about it. It's a big change for all of us, and forgive me if I'm repeating myself on some of this. But education is a good thing. And when all is said and done, we're all going to be happier with this new system.