Scotch Type

The Scottish Highland Games are this weekend and I think I'll go. I'm fascinated by the Scots. Seriously. The men wear skirts that look like the ones my sisters wore to Catholic school, but those same guys will pick up telephone poles and big rocks and throw them for fun, as if to say "laugh at my skirt if you like, but keep in mind I'm strong enough to throw a telephone pole at you. Also, if you laugh at the furry purse hanging around my waist, I keep a knife in my sock." The Scottish national dish is something called Haggis, which sounds so disgusting I can't even type its basic ingredients. The Scots play highland bag pipes, and apparently like the sound so much they often have several playing at once. Go figure. On the other hand, there's Scotch whiskey. Scottish girls are hot. And Sean Connery was a way better James Bond than the Irish fella, Brosnan.

At the Highland Games this weekend, in addition to all that stuff, you'll find a little Irish Fest preview on stage. The Elders, The Kelihans, Kelly, Bob Reeder, Flannigan's Right Hook, Ellis Island - past or current Irish Festers all - will provide the entertainment, along with Barleyjuice, The Antioch Middle School Fiddlers and Uncle Dirtytoes, who I assume is a relative of Irish Fest's Mr. Stinky Feet.

The Games are June 13-15, 2008, at E. H. Young Riverfront Park in beautiful Riverside, Missouri. Get all the info you'll need right here. So I'll see you there. I'll be the one dodging flying telephone poles.