A lesson on 'Norn Iron'

Like I mentioned here, several board members are going to educate/entertain/ramble in blogs of their own this week. Here's the first!

Craig Duke, a former Northern Ireland resident, KCK Assistant Fire Chief, rocket scientist, famous kilt designer and KCIF board member, offers us a lesson or two on his homeland.


First and foremost Northern Ireland is pronounced “Norn Iron” by the locals, so try repeating this simple phrase 3 times and the next time you go on a trip to Norn Iron you will fit right in. So let’s look at what you should know about Norn Iron before you go on your first visit.


Famous People
These are a few of the famous people both living and deceased from Norn Iron:

Famous people (still living): Van Morrison (singer songwriter); Liam Neeson (actor); Stephen Rea (actor): Kenneth Branagh (actor) Craig Duke (Assistant Fire Chief).

Famous people (deceased): George Best (soccer player); James Galway (musician); C.S. Lewis (writer); Derek Bell (musician with Chieftains).


Norn Iron is also well known for a few other things.

• For example did you know that the famous luxury liner Titanic was built in Belfast.
• Bushmills Distillery is the oldest licensed distillery in the world and to this day produces some of the best tasting Irish Whiskey.
• Beleek China is world renowned and anyone who goes on a visit to Norn Iron will usually pick up a piece of china for a souvenir.
• Norn Iron has some of the most beautiful scenery in the world. We have Giant’s Causeway, one of the natural wonders of the world, the Mourne Mountains, County Antrim Coast line, and in Downpatrick the grave site of St. Patrick himself.

So now you know a little bit about Norn Iron, tomorrow we will start our lesson on speaking Norn Iron .The accent of the people from Norn Iron is very unique, we have a tendency to speak very fast and utilize words or phrases from the English language to mean something completely different from its original meaning, which can sometimes frustrate the average tourist when asking for directions or information.

More Blog tomorrow,
Craig

Ya buck eejit ye...

KCIF board member and fire warrior Craig Duke is back with an entertaining lesson on his home country. If you missed his first blog on Northern Ireland, check it out here.

"Ya buck eejit ye..."

Soon you'll be able to understand sentences like this! Can you believe how simple it is?! No?! Well you'd better try it then, because it’s really simple. So simple in fact, a Carryduff hairdresser could learn it!



These are just a few words used in Norn Iron to indicate that someone is drunk or in the process of getting drunk. Bladdered, Pole-Axed, Blitzed, Shattered, Wracked, Pished, Steamin, Banjaxed, Blootered.


If someone from Norn Iron is confused or they don’t know what to do next they may say to you, “I don’t know if I need a shite or a haircut”


If they are hungry they may say, “ My stomach thinks my throat is cut”


When someone from Norn Iron greets you with “What about yah or bout yah” they are actually asking “How are you today.”


If you are in the company of a female and you hear them say she has a “face on her like a Lurgan spade,” please don’t take this as a compliment of your companions good looks.


Finally for the day, if you ask someone how their day was or how their dinner tasted and the reply “ Stickin Out” this means nothing more than they were good. So remember this one if you are asked a question and your reply is positive.


Hopefully when this blog is finished you will fit right in on your visit to Norn Iron if not just “wind down your neck.”

Craig

Norn Iron Part IV

Craig's had a busy day. You know, putting fires out and all in KCK. The real ones. But he's found time for one more blog because he cares about you... and about you not getting your arse kicked in Northern Ireland (or vice versa).

So you are in a pub and the bartender says “what are ye havin or whats yours?” he is asking, what would you like to drink. You can ask for a glass (1/2 pint, which a woman would order “ye big pansie”) or a pint (a man’s drink).

If you are in someone’s home and they ask “would you like a wee drop in your hand?” they are asking if you would like a cup of tea.


If they ask, would you like a “bickie” this is slang for biscuit which in turn is a cookie.


Soda is a bread.


Veda is a dark brown bread.


Bap is a roll or a bun (like hamburger bun)


Chips are fries


Crisps are potato chips

So let’s talk about the most popular conversation subject in Norn Iron, the weather. If someone says its “lashing outside,” they are telling you it’s raining very hard. Or they might say “it’s a good day for the wellies.”


If they say it’s “Baltic,” that means it is very cold and you should maybe be wearing a coat.


If they tell you they are “sweating like a gladiators jock strap,” that means that it is very warm outside.

These are just a few Norn Iron sayings that will help you survive when travelling as you will be able to get something to drink, something to eat, and dress appropriately for the weather.

Craig

High til Spake Norn Iron Part III

KCIF Director Craig Duke is back with the last installment of his incendiary lessons on Northern Ireland. Read. Absorb. Memorize. Then chat up someone at this year's Fest and impress (amuse) them with your new knowledge.

The word Craic (pronounced crack) can be seen throughout the Irish Fest and in general terms means fun or having fun. But in Norn Iron, depending upon its context and usage, the term Craic not only refers to good times but also gossip. Some examples: She's great craic when she gets going! Did you not hear the craic? Laren is up the duff (meaning pregnant)? (Editor's note: NOT true.) That party was great craic! The craic's tremendous?

When visiting Norn Iron and you have no form of transport please don’t ask a female friend or new acquaintance for a ride! If you do you will probably get your balleex kicked in by her or a male family member, as you have just asked her to have sexual relations with you. If you need to go somewhere ask for a lift, it’s safer.

Yer Man: Is a general term used to describe someone who’s name is not known or someone you do not want others to know their name. “Is that Yer Man?” or “Just go over to Yer Man over there and tell him I said yer alright.”

Fingy: Another word used when you don’t know someone’s name “Were you with fingy last night?”

Youse or Youse-ins: A term to describe a number of people or a group. “Are youse (youse-ins) coming out form some craic tonight.”

Gutties: Are training shoes or running shoes.

Goes: Replaces “ I said” an example would be, “I was talking to yer man the other night and I goes, yer blottered, ye eejit.”

Other everyday words are:
Bake ; Face
Oxsters: Armpits
Piece: Sandwich or Lunch
Yermaa -an insult used when nothing else better can be thought of
Arse: Butt

So until the next time see ya and spake to youse later. I have to take baff now cuz my oxsters are mingin!!!

Craig

Presidents Day

Happy President's Day! I know this day is the result of the mashing together of George Washington's and Abe Lincoln's birthdays but who cares about those guys? Over here at KCIF HQ it's a day we honor our own presidents. and most especially our current Chief Executive, Craig Duke.

Craig is the ninth president Irish Fest has had in our 12 years, and the first who hails from Ulster, bringing that special "Norn Iron" touch to this year's event. When he's not putting out metaphorical fires here at Irish Fest, he's over across the state line putting out actual fires as Deputy Chief at Kansas City Kansas Fire Department. He's also been known to make an appearance or two (here with one of our past presidents, Davey Colgan) as one of our "Irish Fest Insiders." Craig keeps promising to show up here at Tir na Blog and give you some presidential proclamations or some such, so keep an eye out for that. In the mean time, please join me in wishing him and all our past presidents* a very happy President's Day.

Kansas City Irish Fest presidents, in chronological order: Bob Sullivan, Dan Regan, Ed Scanlon, Ed Follis, Rory O'Connor, Barney Walsh, Laren Mahoney, Davey Colgan, Craig Duke.