How's that costume coming for Deadie Delahaunt's big Pooka Party, kids? It's just a week away, October 23rd at Harling's Upstairs Bar, Wetsport Road at Maim, ample parking around the back. What's that you say? You don't have an idea for a costume? You don't want to be Lady Gaga number 14 or a run-of-the mill ghost or goblin? You want a costume that reflects your love of the Kansas City Irish Fest? We've been through this before you know. More than once. But okay, Uncle Bloggy to the rescue. Again. You're welcome.
Highland Bagpiper. Get your sister's old school uniform skirt. Put it on. Kill a squirrel. Tie a string to it's head, the other end to its tail, tie it around your waist so it hangs over your business. Sting a big knife in your sock, for stabbing people who call your kilt a skirt. Actual bagpipes are expensive, so here's an easy and effective substitute. Take another of your sisters old school skirts. Sew up the bottom. Insert a cat. Sew up the top. To mimic the bagpipe sound, squeeze the cat. High notes can be made with the occasional pinch.*
Screaming Orphan. Okay, if they're still alive, whack the parents. Then start screaming. Alternately, dress up like a girl rock star from Donegal.
The Link. This is that glass overhead tunnel thing that runs between the Westin and the Hyatt. You'll need a partner for this one, so if your wife or girl insists on a stupid "couples costume" this will be ideal. First take a big marker and write the word "Hyatt" on your shirt. Wait, put on an old shirt first, that's a permanent marker! Now write "Westin on your partner's shirt. These can be switched, as the hotels have no specific gender that I'm aware of. Next get you some of that plastic Habitrail® tubing that they make hamster villages out of. Make a section with a lot of bends, about 12 feet long, more or less depending on how big you and your partner are. So the scale is right, you know? Glue one end to your rear end, the other to your partners. For added effect, sew tiny Irish Fest t-shirts and put them on a couple of gerbils and put them in the tube and...wow, that just took an ugly turn didn't it? On second thought, let's just go with a ghost.
*Henry, Denis, Kevin, et al...just kidding. Love you guys.
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3 comments:
As the kids would say "LMAO" Hyatt, Westin, gerbil. I'm crying over here.
You know a lot about gerbilin!
Make sure there is plenty of gerbil feed in that tube before you seal those suckers in. They bit right through my kilt last time!
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