A Peek In

This morning before the sun came up, the 2010 Kansas City Irish Fest board of directors met as we do every two weeks all year 'round to plan your favorite fest. These meetings being all shrouded in mystery and whatnot as they are, I thought, probably erroneously, that you might enjoy an insider's look at what goes on at these high level pow wows.

This morning's meeting began as they all do with the members of the board entering the candle-lit board room in silence. We enter one by one according to seniority (I go first this year) each of us wearing the hooded black robes that are issued to us upon our elevation to the board. The room is quiet save for the low chanting of our eunuch acolytes (trust me, when you sign up to volunteer for Irish Fest, you do not want to check the "eunuch acolyte" box) until all members of the board are seated. At this point the board secretary hits the massive bronze gong at the far end of the room signaling the beginning of the day's business, the first order of which usually being the sacrifice of a goat to the Druid gods whom we beseech for good weather and strong beer sales over Irish Fest weekend. Sometimes if we can't find a goat we just offer up a bagel or some Pop Tarts. If we have new board members attending their first meeting as we did today, the ritual branding and initiation oath is next. I'd tell you what the oath is but to be honest with you it's in Latin or Aramaic or something and I've never been exactly sure what it means. As a founder fortunately I never had to go through all this rigamarole.

Next we talk for about an hour about port-a-potties, how many we should get and where they should go. Then sometimes another goat is whacked, and then the bands who want to play for us come in to audition. Here again, seniority has its benefits as I get to crowd surf before anybody else. After that, more miscellaneous business...sponsorship, vendors, volunteers, where we can a better deal on goats. Here near the end of the meeting we will usually vote ourselves a healthy pay increase before the closing ceremonies. Again, the gong is rung and through a haze of incense and the rhythmic chanting of the eunuchs, we silently exit the room, led by the current president of the board who carries the bleached skull of the immediate past president on green velvet pillow, its mouth stuffed with shamrocks. That last bit is new this year. My idea. I think it adds a lot to the ceremony. The robes are then burned (fun fact: upwards of 20% of our annual operating budget is spent on ceremonial robes) and the meeting is adjourned.

The routine varies. Closer to the fest for example the band auditions are replaced with eunuch acolyte try outs and wrestling matches to choose new board officers, but that's typical of our off season meetings.

I hope this peek into our secret little world was instructive. And if you see one of us at Irish Fest this year, be sure to ask to see our branding scars!