Wardrobe Malfunctions

106 days now is all that stands between you and the 2009 Kansas City Irish Fest. Why that's just over 2500 hours. So I'm sure what you're thinking about right now, right this minute is what to wear. It's a big decision, I know. You want to be tasteful, but at the same time proclaim your pride in your heritage. You want to say "I'm Irish and proud" and not "I'm Irish and I have no mirrors in my home." I get it. I'm with you. I have the answer. Here's what you do. Come to Irish Fest nekkid.

Okay, maybe pants are a good idea, because we don't sell pants, and really nobody needs to see you strutting around with your business all exposed. But if you must wear a shirt, wear like a disposable one made out of old Christmas wrapping paper or a bikini top made of used Starbucks cups or something. Because then you can ditch it after you visit our merchandise tents and pick up a swanky new top.

What will they look like? Beats the hell out me. I haven't designed them yet. But this past Sunday I met with the Kansas City Irish Fest Merchandise Committee at the home of merch master Ron Einbender and saw the blank canvases on which I'll work. And not even I can screw this up. New styles. New colors. A first ever long sleeve shirt cut just for women. Women's sizes for all sizes of women. New black hoodies. Our best cap colors yet. Visors. Even something new for the snappers, though I'll keep that a surprise. You and your whole family will look better than you, and frankly any of us ever thought possible. And all reasonably priced in keeping with these hard times.

So remember, at the Irish Fest merch tents, we've got you covered...in style.

Damn, that's good. I should have gone into advertising.