Oktoberfest!

As I type, the familiar clanging of tent poles on pavement is ringing out on Crown Center Square as Oktoberfest finishes set up for its opening tomorrow evening. I'm going to the annual beer and brat bacchanalia, as I do every year. You should join me. And I'll tell you why.

Why You, Irish Person, Should Go to This Year's Oktoberfest.

1. On Sunday they have pig races at noon, pet adoptions at 1:00. Coincidence? Germans don't do coincidence. I am so getting me a losing pig.

2. Mystery! Oktoberfest routinely claims a couple hundred thousand attendees each year. Where do they hide them all? Come help me look.

3. It's supposed to be 85º on Saturday. Come down and revel in the fact that you're Irish and under no cultural obligation to wear leather trousers and knee socks.

4. They'll have Konig Ludwig Weiss! Is it a beer? A skin condition? A 16th century composer? A Panzer division? Only one way to find out, mein Freund.

5. Okay, I checked. It's a beer. One of twelve, yes twelve varieties they'll have. Try all twelve and then play this fun game. Try to say common German first names as you throw up! It's easier than it sounds. Horst. Günter. Ernst. Rolf. See? Hours of fun!

6. 100% more chain saw artists than we have at Irish Fest. And really, when you mix beer, chain saws, pigs and leather pants, you've got a party.

7. That chain saw guy? A Keenan. Also on the schedule are O'Dell, McRae and McCarty. 

8. A keg tapping ceremony tomorrow night! I bet it involves animal sacrifices and ritual scarring and naked pagan dancing and bonfires. It sure would if I was in charge, I'll tell you that.

9. Sausage and lots of it. Sweet fancy Moses, I loves me some grilled sausage. I'm not sure why you'd even need reasons to go other than sausage and beer to be honest with you.

10. German Chocolate cake in fact has nothing to do with Germans or Germany but was created in 1957 by a Dallas housewife using German's Sweet Chocolate, which was invented by a Brit named Samuel German. This isn't a reason to go so much as a little trivia nugget you can take with you in case some dude in lederhosen starts telling you about how his grandmother used to bake it for him back in Mecklenburg-Vorpommern in the '30's. The lying bastard.

See you at the beer tents!