So Fun It's Scary

You may not have known this about me, but I'm a former child. True. It was a long time ago, but I think I even have some pictures around somewhere to prove it. And as an ex-kid, I'll tell you this: I wish I was scheduled to be a kid this year at Irish Fest. Because this year at Irish Fest we're celebrating Halloween, which as a kid was always my very favorite day of the year.

Christmas? Yeah, sure...Santa, presents, candy. All good stuff. But of course there was a catch. None of it was free. You had to (shiver) "be good". "Santa's watching!" "He knows if you've been bad or good!" "He sees you when you're sleeping" for Pete's sake! What kid needs that kind of pressure? Plus you had to reciprocate, blowing all your hard-earned lawn mowing money on gifts for your stupid sisters. No offense, stupid sisters.

Easter was okay, except for the dressing up and the churching and having to work so hard to get your candy. At least Santa had the decency to leave it all in your socks and not hide it all over the damn house. It's why I hate rabbits to this day.

The Fourth of July...not bad. Not bad at all. The blowing-things-up part especially. But, in Kansas City anyway, it was also always 100° with 90% humidity. St. Patrick's Day was fun watching the grown ups get all "silly". Thanksgiving had all that pie. New Year's Eve...a lot like St. Patrick's Day but with sillier hats. Ah, but Halloween...that was the stuff.

You dress up as the scariest thing you can imagine. I was always a skeleton. You wait until dark. You go door to door scaring the bejesus out of the neighbors and demand candy from them for doing it. You collect bags...huge bags of candy. Candy that you got not by being good. Not by searching for it after it was hidden by a magic rodent. You got it the good old fashioned American way: extortion. "Trick or Treat." Not a lot of subtlety there. Afterwards, you'd stay up late with your brothers and sisters trading away the crappy candy for the good stuff and you'd gorge on sugar 'til you were sick. Man, that was living.

At Irish Fest this year, we're celebrating Halloween in the Children's Area. I can't wait. The fun's already started with our essay contest. Why not write a scary one? Irish history is full of ghosts. We're having costume contests. Ghost stories told by a real live ghost hunter. Face painting. Special Halloween tattoos. We might even have trick-or-treating. Without question, we're going to to a spooky good time. Makes me want to reapply for kid status.

If you're an actual kid, I'm jealous. You're going to have a great time at Irish Fest this year. And if you see a 6' 1" kid dressed as a skeleton at the costume judging, keep quiet. I'll share my candy with you if you don't turn me in.