Drink Policy, 2008

I know I've mentioned this in the past but it's such an important change in the way we do things at Irish Fest, I want to reiterate that our payment policy at the beverage tents is changing for 2008.

In past years, you'd stand in line, fish around in your wallet or purse for cash while people in line behind you harumphed and tsk-tsked, wait for the beer server to make change, which he'd then hand back to you, bills soaked with beer and God knows what all.

This year? You'll stroll into Irish Fest and be met by a uniformed Beverage Broker. This attractive young person will escort you to the Legal Age verification tent where a tissue sample will be taken so that we can carbon-date you. Drivers licenses are so 2007. After determining that you're of legal drinking age in Missouri (47) you'll be asked to put your clothes back on and proceed to the ticket purchase kiosk. Buying with a credit card? Great! You'll meet with one of our helpful loan officers (appointments required) who will review your credit history, take a tissue sample, and contact your employer. Paying with cash? Great! We accept US twenty dollar bills, series 2006-2008, in mint or very good condition. Bills should not have been previously folded or circulated. Don't happen to have those? No problem! We'll be running shuttles buses every three hours to take you to the nearby Federal Reserve Bank. And remember, you may only purchase two drinks worth of tickets at a time. It's an accounting thing.

Now that you've purchased your tickets, I'll bet you're plenty thirsty! Well, we know just the place. Our beverage tents offer a wide variety of choices. In the mood for a cold Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat beer? Great! The Unfiltered Wheat tent is located up the street behind the funnel cake stand and is open between noon and 2:00, and then again from 9:00 to 10:30 for you "night owls"! As part of our streamlining process, each type of drink will be sold at a different location. No more waiting behind Mr. Slowpoke who can't make up his mind! Hurray! A complete map and schedule of where the various service locations are located will be available for purchase at Irish Fest.

At last! You're at the bar and have ordered your cold glass of beer. We're nearly done! After handing over the appropriate number of tickets (tickets will be sold in 5¢ increments, for your convenience) and a retina scan and quick tissue sample for age verification (can't be too careful!) you've got your cold, frosty beer, served this year in a new 3 ounce cup so it stays cold all the way down. When you're ready for more, simply repeat the process. Simple? You bet! All part of our continuing efforts to make your Kansas City Irish Fest the very best one going on at Crown Center over Labor Day weekend.